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BEING – A LESSON IN SELF WORTH

I am currently coaching an amazing entrepreneur. She is successful, accomplished, organised and focussed and is on her way to building a great business. She knows her strengths, passions and skill set.  Yet she takes on more than she can handle, constantly goes out of her way to do things for others and ends up feeling overwhelmed.

Why ? Because she wants to feel needed, valuable and recognised.

If this is striking a familiar chord, you may want to know what we uncovered and how you too can change your pattern. Read on …

Many of us learn through the course of our lives that our focus ‘should’ be on performance and achievement. We are told to achieve good marks at school, that university results are critical, that we must strive for a promotion. That climbing the ladder of success is critical. And in turn, we pass this perspective on life onto our kids.

Maybe you’re thinking – “ok, so what’s the problem, success is good … or …. “Well, I want my kids to be winners, what’s so wrong with that?”

Well, there’s no problem with winning, with being successful. It’s our birthright. Self-actualisation (being the best you can be) is the whole point of the journey we call life. But if your focus is on what you do (achieve) rather than who you are, you may just spend your entire life trying to prove that you are ‘good enough’.  See, if your focus is on doing, performing and achieving – then in order to feel good about yourself you need to do more, achieve more; work harder, longer, faster.

What if we turned that equation around, and started with the premise that you are not only good enough, you are amazing. Your Being (who you really, truly are deep down inside) is miraculous, magical and unique. And if you stop to look at yourself, you know that too. Your Being is perfect. We call this unconditional positive regard. Unconditional worth.

Now your Doing (your behaviour, your skill set, your knowledge) … well sometimes that’s not so good. and so at times you may not feel confident in what you do. That’s ok. All it takes to improve a skill or a role is learning and practice. And every master started off as an eager beginner. The key here is to recognise that it’s simply an external skill, not the internal you.

The following diagram describes this relationship …

When you operate from your Being, and think of yourself as worthy and valuable, your doing will reflect that. There will be no need to prove that ‘you are good enough / knowledgeable enough / valuable enough’.

And you no longer need to DO things to prove your value, or to get validation from others.. You simply recognise your worth and value as a given. It’s all right there within you.

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